On the drive to New Jersey, I listened to What Happened to You, by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD.

Dr. Perry says that the first 2 months of a baby’s life are the most critical. If a baby experiences loving attachment from birth through two months, the baby becomes resilient to future trauma. But if it is reversed, if the first 2 months are awful, followed by good from then on out, that initial trauma has made its mark.

I think about my first two months. My dad drove my mom to the hospital, dropped her off, and went back home. It was probably already apparent to my mother that having me wasn’t going to save the marriage.

Following the child-rearing wisdom of the day, my mom said, “If you were fed and dry, there was no reason to pick you up. You learned not to cry.”

True. I still have trouble making my needs known.

When we went to my grandmother’s house, having driven from New Jersey to Nebraska—clanking against each other because we weren’t used to being together—I would lie in grandma’s lap for hours as she ran her fingers through my curly hair. I may have been filling up a deficit of compassionate touch.

I think about my brother’s first two months. [Omitted. It’s my brother’s story to tell, not mine.]

What I know for sure is babies need to be held, tenderly.

PS: In Chapter 6, I stopped listening to the book when it transitioned from a focus on abuse to neglect. I was 30 minutes away from mom’s house and it didn’t seem like a good time.

Chewing the Cud of Good

Thankful for fresh-from-the-farmer juicy, fuzzy peaches.