Several people wrote to let me know identifying their core values for their human Compass was a valuable exercise. I didn’t expect that.

No one wrote to say they struggled with the exercise. Given the number of people who wrote of positive experiences, it made me think that there had to be at least one person who had trouble.

In case that’s you, I’ll share two of my own examples from years back.

Q: What if I could narrow my list to five, but not two?

A: In that situation, a paired-comparison exercise could help. Here’s how to do it:

1. If you’ve narrowed your choices to five, get five index cards.
2. Write each value on one card.
3. Turn the cards over so you can’t see what you’ve written.
4. Draw two cards. Compare the two values and keep the one that feels more aligned with the core of what’s important to you. Discard the other.
5. Draw another card and repeat the process.
6. After you’ve drawn all the cards and compared them, you should have one value remaining. Set it aside.
7. Repeat the process with the remaining four cards, ending up with one.
8. Now you should have two values cards remaining, one from your first sort and one from your second.
9. Keep those two and live with them for a while. See how they fit. When you encounter dilemmas, see how they help you find your true north through the dilemma. If something seems to be missing, revisit the values list and replace one with another. You can look for a value that seems broader, that includes one of your values. For example, my values don’t include “Integrity” because I figure it’s covered by “truth.” Or, you can give Brené Brown the side-eye and keep three values.

Q: What if I couldn’t narrow my list at all? (I couldn’t decide between so many choices.)

A: Ah! You may be in the swamp, a time of deep change when you are shifting from who you were to who you are becoming.

If that’s the case, look at the values list and pick one that sounds good to you right now, right where you are. Maybe it will guide your life for years, but its purpose at this moment is to guide you through the swamp. The swamp is a sticky and uncertain place. Think of this core value as a pair of waders that keep you dry (and clean!) as you trudge through the muck to dry land on the other side.

If you’re curious to know more, I wrote this about the swamp when the entire country was in the swamp. (I think it’s pretty good, and I rarely think that when I re-read something.)

Next week: either the answers to more values questions or the rest of the human compass.

Chewing the Cud of Good

Thankful for those who see us as we are, and see the better person we can become, and believe we can become that person.