In the Five Wishes document, when we got to the part about mom’s ‘final resting place,’ I asked if she still wanted to be at Shadow Lake, where she’d lived for 42 years. She shook her head ‘no’ and looked out the window, past the blue ceramic birdbath, to something farther off.

I scrambled for an idea. “I can see if we could put your ashes here, maybe under a tree or something?” Again, she shook her head.

I texted my brother, a rarity, because it wasn’t his birthday, Thanksgiving, or Christmas.

Me: Eric, mom is workin on her last wishes. She wants to be cremated. Would you like her ashes? I do not.

Eric: Thank you for asking but no

I let him know the status, that Mom had changed her mind and we needed to find a place.

Eric: Theres that big tree that hangs down

Me: She doens’t want to be here

Eric: Maybe your land in ohio

Me: Sold it, but that would have been a good spot. Or the ocean from your boat?

Eric: That can be problem trying to get permit

Me: Makes sense

Me: Well think of something. We’ll

Eric: Maybe where dads ashes went

Eric: She prob would not like that

Eric’s backyard was out (he didn’t think his wife would like it) and I don’t own any dirt. We googled, decided the Neptune Memorial Reef off the coast of Florida was vulnerable to hurricanes. Nixed Ashes in Space.

Then, a possibility: a cemetery with a garden for scattering ashes. Eric and I both thought it had potential. Mom gardened until she couldn’t. Eric and I dug the dirt and planted the daffodils and lilies at the edge of her patio.

When I’m there in June, I’ll ask Mom about the cemetery garden. She and I have had decades where we came together like knives. But now, I’d like to be able to visit her.

I think she’d like that, too.

Chewing the Cud of Good

Thankful for sky clear enough to see a full moon eclipse.