Back when I was writing those emails that showed I wasn’t entirely okay, in hindsight, here’s what I believe was going on:

I was metamorphosing—being reduced to a globby mess so I could reconfigure.

I’d been doing a lot of meditation on self-love, generational trauma, and healing. My great-grandfather and I had an imaginary conversation that’s still on my mind.

Also, I was doing a lot of ‘manifesting’ meditation related to StoryJoules Mastery, the course I teach about how to create the architecture and energy for a solid story.

For the last nine months, I’ve been enrolled in a training program on how to teach and grow an online course. It requires maintaining a data dashboard, a weekly count of email subscribers, Instagram followers, webinar views, course participants, yada, yada. Yuck.

Just looking at it makes my stomach tight.

Why was I measuring all this instead of that which was more important?

This data dashboard, a repository of outcome measures, was evidence that my life was off. The outcome I was trying to manifest was good for the course, but bad for my life.

I was envisioning someone else’s vision, not my own.

The dashboard now languishes, no data entered for the past several weeks. I don’t feel guilty that I haven’t done and will not do this course homework.

I feel relieved.

When my course membership is up for renewal, I’ll cancel it. And I’ll dance the happy dance, proud of the course I’ve built, even prouder that I’m doing it the way I want.

Reader Reflection

Last week, in response to Outcome Measures vs. Process Measures, Anna (in Finland!) sent The Path. ♥️

Chewing the Cud of Good

Thankful for learning.