Year: 2019

roasted onions

Wrong Assumptions

Sometimes I come to wrong conclusions because I have made wrong assumptions. I have done the equivalent of assuming the world is flat and therefore have been careful not to sail my boat off the edge of the earth. The wrong assumption I have made about couples is that they are happy. Some are. Some …

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clouds in the sky

Vulnerable Times

Still in the vein of living alone but with a thought that applies to us all: be aware of your vulnerable times. When I was freshly grieving Trent, I discovered that the sadness came in the spaces in between. Not during the meeting, but during the walk down the corridor afterward. Not during the conference …

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moon as a streak in a photo


In hindsight, I should have known that I wasn’t going to be able to host Thanksgiving. If I put myself in the shoes of my invitees, would I really want to eat Thanksgiving dinner with somebody I didn’t know? Probably not. There are things that are difficult for me to do as a soloist and …

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oil making a smiley face in a frying pan

Plan C

This year, I wanted to be home for Thanksgiving. I love my remodeled kitchen and I wanted to cook in it. I wanted to play host. I asked another soloist in the building what she thought of a communal Thanksgiving dinner. She thought it was a great idea, since she typically goes to the grocery …

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Seeing the Good

If we live alone now, and we weren’t living alone before, then something happened to cause us to live alone. It could have been a surprise, “I’m leaving.” Or, “He’s gone.” It could have been harmoniously planned, “This isn’t working.” It could have been acrimonious, which is best left unquoted. Whatever happened, whether you made …

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Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. What’s not to like about a day focused on enjoying a special meal with people* you care about and being thankful? In the spirit of the season, I’d like to give thanks to You. Because of you—your reading, your comments, your emails—I have clarity I never had before: I know …

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What Helps & What Hurts

There will be times when loneliness will hit, however it hits you—an ache, a mist, a misery. You don’t feel like a victorious Soloist, you feel like a left-behind Loner. It happens. Before it happens, it helps to have a plan for how you will handle the feeling when it comes. Without a plan, there …

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Themes of Interest

Thank you to everyone who answered last week’s survey. The response rate was 46% (excellent!) and two themes were of most interest: Finding our true selves Navigating life changes There was also a write-in request for a theme: Living alone. Because the holiday season is coming and that can be a difficult time for those …

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steamship Sultana, 1865

Titanic vs. Sultana

You’ve heard of the Titanic, yes? Of course you have. Kate and Leonardo made sure of that. But what about the Sultana—do you know about that one? Even though it had almost as many people on board when it sank, and as many deaths, the newspapers were instead filled with news of the end of …

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